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All My SPN Feels

Hello, my name is Lauren and I am a 24-yrs-young illustrator and this is my SPN fanblog. I reblog anything that catches my fancy, but I also write meta and enjoy drawing trueforms for both angels and demons. If you got a question or want to say hi, hit me up and let me know. I don't bite~
Apr 1 '14

Anonymous asked:

You're one of the few people who actually mentioned Garth's backhanded 'compliment' to Sam in 9.12. Could you discuss it a bit? It really infuriated me. Garth genuinely compliments Dean and then basically says Sam should feel terrible about himself because he's done bad things. And Charlie's line in 8.20, she thanks DEAN for stopping the apocalypse (What books has she been reading?) and then brings up bad memories for Sam about how nearly all the women he's loved or been with have died. Urgh


So Garth’s backhanded complement in “Sharp Teeth,” for those who missed it, was this: when Garth was introducing Sam and Dean to his new werewolf family he said about Sam, “Sam can be a bit insecure at times, but for good reason.  Bless his heart.”  

I’d like for you to imagine being introduced that way.  Imagine everything Sam’s done, everything Sam’s been through, everything Sam’s tried to do and failed, everything Sam’s tried to do and succeeded at and that no one will ever know about.  And that’s how your entire existence is summed up to a stranger: you can be a little insecure at times, but it’s okay - you should be.  You have no right to be secure in yourself.  You’re a screw up.  There’s no mention of any of the good that Sam’s ever done.  Only that Sam has good reason for being insecure. That’s the only thing that Garth could have meant by that line.

And yes - Charlie does thank Dean for stopping the Apocalypse in “Pac Man Fever,” while rubbing Sam’s nose in the unpleasant fate that has met his romantic interests.  There’s no acknowledgement of Sam’s role in stopping the Apocalypse at all, even though it was Sam’s sacrifice and suffering that actually caused it to end.  Yes, Dean got beat up.  Sam’s still the one who had to jump into the hole, Sam’s still the one who had to face eternity with two archangels, Sam’s still the one who is still facing the fallout.  But there’s no acknowledgment of this fact, not even a glimmer of recognition. 

Charlie is getting her information from the Supernatural books by Carver Edlund, which is apparently still available (from a magical place she calls Amazon.)  When Tracy Bell lashed out at Sam for starting the Apocalypse she got her information from a demon, but apparently never got information about Sam having stopped the Apocalypse too.  Evidently whatever hunter information network is still in place didn’t get the memo out or hunters just don’t care, because Garth doesn’t seem to take that information into account when bringing Sam’s “insecurities” up in front of strangers like he’s some kind of psychological test case.  

Of course, Dean could have intervened in all three cases to defend Sam - only one came after the breach over Gadreel.  He chose not to.

301 notes (via kheisa & safiyabat)Tags: kinda upset with how they treat sam sometimes ngl of course i'm also tired of how they treat everyone so its one of the reasons i can't even manage the energy to watch a new episode not even excited because its just a big bore fest of the same old same old sigh wank for ts i guess

Mar 27 '14






I really need to let all that shit about John go, and I can’t. I just can’t.

John Winchester was a child abuser. John Winchester was a child abuser.

And I know people sometimes don’t acknowledge this because of a lack of information on abuse, and that’s no one’s fault, and…

Can I ask a question? Outside of any fandom universe, if a single parent worked very long hours and could not afford daycare or a caretaker for their children while they were away, could they be cited for child neglect?

I… seriously?


"Just checking: in the real world, would driving your kids out into the middle of the woods and dropping them off alone for eighteen hours a day be a bad thing? Because I’m just not sure. This is a hard one."


537 notes (via defilerwyrm & yellow-turtle)Tags: i hate john winchester a lot okay i just do i hate it when the show tries to justify him like this nice guy he wasnt okay he abandoned the boys all the time it fucking sucked just ugh no i fucking hate john winchester the end ts for wank

Mar 26 '14


No matter what the consequences.

This scene is absolutely terrifying to watch, honestly, not just because it shows the increasingly depth of Dean’s physical addiction, but because in this case it also showcases the fact that Dean’s worse problem may not even be the Blade so much as his desire to do penance via sacrifice of self.

The scene above isn’t Dean hiding from the fact he could get addicted to the Blade, nor is it about Dean not knowing that he could be damned. No, this scene is about the fact that Dean Winchester no longer CARES if any of the above are the consequences. Dean doesn’t care if he’ll be broken by the end of killing Abaddon, so long as it cleans up his mess.

Dean’s biggest problemisn’t his drinking or his lying or even his escalating tendency toward violence. Those are all all symptoms of what is actually destroying him, yes, but Dean’s real enemy is and has always been the depth of his own self loathing and the way he chooses to apologize for his mistakes and existance.

Because Dean barely even cares if he lives any more - he’s certainly no shying away from the necessary potential sacrifices he might have to make in the days to come because he believes eliminating Abaddon is the only useful contribution he has left to make to the world.  He’s decided if he’s going to be stuck as poison than he’s damn well turning that trait on his enemies instead of his friends.

Dean is not just being emo, nor is he shedding meaningless manpain when he slathers self loathing all over himself like butter across bread.  He’s really and truly  life threateningly (and probably clinically with all the PTSD tie ins and accompanying fucked up brain chemistry) ‘I need a life time’s worth of outpatient therapy and then maybe I’ll consider the idea I MIGHT not be the source of all evil’ levels of depressed.

Dean doesn’t have the kind of depression that just sulks in its room and refuses to change because its too hard… Instead he’s got the kind of depression that all but hides behind the guise of too much emo just to hide the shit scary passive and non passive suicidal or self destructive decisions he’s actually making.  Dean’s not lying to Sam  because he wants to avoid a simple bitch session, he’s lying to Sam because the truth would land him in a panic room somewhere.

The plain truth is this - Dean has decided that Abaddon is his rightful sole personal responsibility…not a burdened to be shared with his friends or family but a threat he alone should have to deal with because her dead is more valuable then him alive . She’s his suicide note in progress.

And the worst of it is the only one who GETS that clearly is right now is fucking CROWLEY. who either won’t care if Dean’s killed because it eliminates a threat to Crowley’s power in the long run or who will try and co opt the monster Dean’s become afterwards for his own benefit, which is probably worse.

The Dean Crowley labeled as ‘ready’ for what’s ahead.  He’s not in denial in the slightest.  He just acknowledges no concern at all anymore about what will be left of him once Abaddon is dead, because he assumes what’s left will be nothing, or at least nothing worth crying over.  I am betting serious money Sam’s comments earlier in the season have left him sure and probably comforted by the fact if he’s a monster by the end of all this that Sam can be counted kill him with little or no regret. It’s not a TRUE belief on his part of course, but depression skews perception and this has been Season miscommunication for both brothers.  Sam has been angry for all the right reasons and he’s been trying to fix things but all that’s really happened is reconfirmed all Dean’s worst assumptions about himself.

Sam might have meant during their fight in The Purge that he wouldn’t have tried to save Dean at the expense of his personal agency, but what I’m betting the bank Dean heard was he’s not worth saving at all.  And a guy who’s poison to everything he loves, hell may be a step up because at least down there he’ll be punished for what he is or no longer care once he climbs off the rack.

This is about as dangerous as life can get for Dean… he’s likely anticipating the reality that he’ll put down like an animal rather than rehabilitated once abaddon dies, and he’s going to take it like the good man he wants to be. Dean is preparing his final swan song right now, quietly and determinedly, and no one is seeing clearly enough to recognize it but the King of Hell.

The question for me is how long it’s gonna take for Sam and Cas to catch on to what Crowley already understands. (Not long I’m guessing with Cas about to join them at the bunker - he’s better at calling out/seeing through Dean’s bullshit than Sam).  I’m also curious what both men will do in reaction to understanding what they’re really seeing, if they find out before it’s too late to do anything but sit back and play spectator.

Sam is not going to get the apology he wanted this season, or rather, he’s going to get it in the one form he didn’t want it in.

(Source: deanbraeden)

2,810 notes (via sarasarai & deanbraeden)Tags: dean season 9 spoilers good meta

Mar 5 '14

(Source: im-riversong)

16,986 notes (via takonatural & im-riversong)Tags: GHOST GHOST FACERS 9.15 thinman yes good spoilers gifs good lines best lines there were a lot of good one liners here

Mar 4 '14

Dean I feel like there were about 100 other ways to get his attention, but you wanted to touch the butt didn’t you? Yeah you did…



Dean I feel like there were about 100 other ways to get his attention, but you wanted to touch the butt didn’t you? Yeah you did…


12,726 notes (via fire-of-fire & crossroadscastiel)Tags: DEAN TUCHED THE BUTT good on yah mate dean dean is bisexual 9.15 thinman ghostfacers butt

Mar 4 '14

defilerwyrm said: I MISSED IT TOO I’M MAD


2 notes Tags: defilerwyrm wow much butt touching so missed very party in the pants such disappoint

Mar 4 '14

Also apparently Dean touched a butt.

A dude’s butt.

And I missed it.

I require multiple gifs of this to make up for it pronto.

17 notes Tags: HOW DID I MISS THE BUTT???? so disappointed with myself 9.15 thinman spoilers

Mar 4 '14

This week on Supernatural: HOLY PARALLELS BATMAN!

13 notes Tags: 9.15 thinman parallels parallels everywhere spoilers kind of supernatural ehhhhhh

Mar 4 '14

I…. I just got punched in the feels….


Mar 4 '14


could they BE more obvious about this though

but this right here

this is the narrative making Sam’s side of the Gadreel situation more clear and sympathetic

the thing to watch for is how & if they reconcile, ‘cause that’s gonna inform on the Winchesters’ eventual resolution


61 notes (via defilerwyrm)Tags: its so obvious it huuuuuurts but the fact that its like we can make it right means the boys aint goin nowhere but yes its so obvious omg 9.15 thinman ghostfacers parallels spoilers